Barsexuality is the new black.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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