dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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