I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
