I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize