I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize