You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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