the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
