I think I won the penis lottery.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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