Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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