i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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