it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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