If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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