you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
