ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
