the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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