I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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