You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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