Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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