meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I touched a dick in church today
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
