sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
