Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
