Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
