but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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