I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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