Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
