She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
