everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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