Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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