what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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