My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
