her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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