used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
