And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
