I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Drunk is not a location!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize