I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
