I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
