Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
