Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
