cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
