She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
