I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
