she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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