i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
