Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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