I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
