Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize