I wanna bring you to show and tell
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
