Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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