i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't turn off my feet"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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