Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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