He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
