I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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