The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
