Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
