Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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