And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
