And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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