Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
