oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
