we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
