The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
