If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
