Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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