it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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