But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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