ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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