somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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