WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
