I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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