And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
