I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
